Ugh! Sobriety sucks!

Especially when you don't drink but you wake up feeling like you're hung over. I thought sleep was supposed to make you feel "rested." Instead I feel like someone took sandpaper to my eyeballs and gave them a bloodshot shine. I some times feel like it would feel good to pluck my eyeballs out of my head and soak them in a hot cup of coffee. Realtistically though, that would hurt and I probably wouldn't be able to get passed the first one. I know I'd regret it too, because, well I don't know, I WOULD BE BLIND!!!! But it's a beautiful exaggeration of how I feel right now.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being totally childish. Like the things that I spend my time on are supposed to be fulfilling some 13 year-old's need and I just never got it. I think I'm still trying to be "cool." I'm trying to get in great shape (not good shape, mind you. GREAT shape), I'm learning martial arts (which helps with stress and getting in shape), I'm still doing music when I can (and I want to do more). I'm looking for a job that's well paying as well as enjoyable.Are these a 13 year old's wants?

Perhaps these are closer to pre-pubesence: The urge to go through a record store and buy a bunch of CDs. Or the urge to go to a movie store and buy a bunch of movies, or perhaps a video game store? The urge to sit on my ass and watch movies? The urge to beat every video game I own? My media lust hasn't died down as much as it's plateaued.

I'm totally not here, this can't be my life......

Major blow out with my brother/co-worker today. Said some really nasty things. I think that things wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know how much he enjoys pissing me off and if he didn't know where all my buttons where. But that's the thing, He's not happy until someone pushes their plate away and leaves the dinner table in tears. He used to do that to my sister, now, when he has a bad day, he does it to me. Except I don't go away crying, I curse, yell and slam doors off their hinges.

I've been in hospitals a lot lately, always playing a supportive role when I go (luckily). Hospitals aren't fun, they suck. Even with TV and a comfy chair they still suck. Someone you love, if not yourself, is hurt and you have to be there. It's another customer service situation except instead of waiting on hold, you're waiting in the ER in excrutiating pain while Doctor DimWit tries to dislodge his head from his ass, "And would you mind filling out these forms?" I guess everybody has to get paid, but when I get a $300.00 bill in the mail and I had to wait and deal with beaurocratic bullshit I don't feel like I'm getting the service that I should. Okay, I've chopped up the soapbox for firewood, everyone is safe.

I'm trying not to slack off at work, but blogs are addicting and most of the work is mundane. I've been told by a reputable source that I slack off because I'm not "accepting where I am and what I'm doing." That's probably true, because I view
my current job as a torture chamber I've been sentenced to indefinately (possitive thinking, I know).

So, nothing but Fun Fun Fun!! family blow outs, hospital visits, my life should be a flippin' TV show! I'm supposed to accept where I am and what I am in order to move forward in life. Which probably means that I'm living in a state of total denial, or perhaps the city of Total Denial, NJ 07000 Population: 1.

"I ain't even here, man. I'm in Cheyenne Wyoming"

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I'm Back!!!

Ah, it was beautiful. An island about an hour off the coast ...a beautiful hotel ....great seafood ....great views...and nothing to do but whatever the f*ck we felt like! Block Island, Rhode Island is a wonderful place to go. We had a ball. I especially liked the eye-candy that wandered around this little beach town scantily clad. It made me wish I was single again. THEN, I heard one of them SPEAK and I was happy as hell to be taken. But anyway, we rented scooters and put-putted around the island, stopping at restaurants and buying rediculously priced clothing. We went back to our room at the Atlantic Inn. Which, by the way, was visited by the first family (Clinton Administration) Who would've thought that I had such good taste??? Hmm? Can you tell me?? I didn't think so! Staying at this place was like renting a room in a doll house. Fancy furniture, pink walls and frilly-frilly bedspreads. It was a bed and breakfast right next to what looked like a petting zoo. They had some really weird animals in there. They had an otrich, a llama (or an alpakka depending on it's religious preference**), and what appeared to be a mountain lion! On our way into the place we couldn't help but feel like we were being glared at.

Old Mc Donald had an Inn, E-I-E-I-O. And on the front lawn they had some yuppies E-I-E-I-O. With a yup yup here and a yup yup there, here-a-yup, there-a-yup, Fresh-en-my-mar-ti-ni-up!

Yeah, they were all hanging out eating and we were a little road weary and not looking our best, so we got looks from snobby people.

This was the first half of our trip, the second half was brought to an abrupt halt. My better half was bitten by a bastard mosquito from hell. Over our four day jaunt, her foot swelled up like a basketball. As we made our way to the next leg of our trip it only got worse. I set up the tent and unpacked. Word to the wise: If you get a campsite anywhere, make sure that they have water and electric available on the site, it helps). So yeah, I set up the tent, and promptly took D to the ER in bumblefuck, MA. I waited for an hour and a half before deciding to book back to the camp site and pack it all up again. It was a scary ride too. Believe it or not there's not much around that area (South Carver, MA). It was a good 20 mile ride through woods and a thunderstorm was a-brewin' like a sour batch of apple-jack. Every five minutes or so the sky would splinter with lightning like the world was an easter egg with a big blue crack in it. Luckily it didn't start down-pouring until another two hours later when we were on the road back home.

(**Alpakkas are muslim extremist llamas)