So many hours in a day and so much energy...

I look at all of the things that I want to do, all the things I have to do and all the things I need to do; and I realize that if I tried to do them all, every day, I would have no time to live. Living with chronic depression, I find myself failing to keep all of my "self-care" balls rolling.

Things I have to do... 

I'm an adult, I have to pay bills, I have go to work (and actually work when I'm there), I have to keep my truck running, I need to wash my work clothes. I have to keep my front yard maintained, I have to take out the garbage. I have to walk and feed my dog. I have to pay my taxes, parking tickets, summons', car registration and insurance.

Things I need to do...

I'm a human being. I need to shower. I need to brush my teeth. I NEED to floss. I need to put on deodorant. I need to shave. I need to trim my eyebrows and ears. I need to wash my bumming around clothes, I need to wash my nice clothes. I need to wash my underwear and socks. I need to dry all of these types of clothes without having them shrink or mildew. I need to put all of these clothes away so that they aren't wrinkled and so that they can be found when I need them. I like to keep my hair cut short. I need to put my lenses in. I need to take my medication. I need to trim my nails. I need to keep my shoes relatively new (meaning not falling off my feet) and relatively clean (meaning not stinking of feet). I need to keep my truck washed, vacuumed, interior cleaned, rug and upholstery spots shampooed and waxed.

In order to take care of my human hygene needs, l need energy, I need time, I need the willingness to do these things. I need the products and medication necessary to do these things. I need to perform the tasks related to these things in a timely manner. I also need to remember that I can't do everything at once. I need to remember that these things are important to me. I need to remember that I'm doing this because I love myself, not because the world will judge me if I don't.

Things I want to do..

I want to get my MSW, I want a career in social work...I want a nicer car. I want to get my black belt in Karate, I want to earn a washboard stomach, I want to write a book and get it published, I want to have a list of covers that I know how to sing and play well. i want to travel, I want a vacation home. I want, I want I want...


What's the difference?

Having to do something is part of a deal that you make with someone else.

Needing to do something is maintenance you do on yourself. Needing has to do with self care. It helps with your mental healt, physical health, self esteem, and social life.

"Needing to" overlaps with "having to" a lot but it's divided in terms of reasons. If you need to make money, you have to work. If you need heat, electric, water and power, you have to pay your bills. If you need a town to live in, you have to pay taxes, clean up your property and take out the garbage. If you need your driving privelige to remain in tact and your car on the road legally, you have to pay the fees and do what's necessary.

Wanting to... wants are often seen as less important by people. They get neglected and pushed back in the priority pile, because responsibilities and needs come first. I think we're all familiar with wanting to stay home and sleep, but needing to work, wants are controlled by and large by the amount of time, energy and money you have left over after you have fulfilled your responsibilities and taken care of y our needs. But here's the thing, many people feel seriously angry, disturbed or depressed when they can't get what they want because they're too busy struggling for what they have promised and what they need. So wants are important too.