Blatantly honest Negative morning....

I have an allergy to something... I can't tell what it is. It tends to hit me at night, when I'm in my bed. But it doesn't only happen there. My legs start to itch and it works its way up to my stomach , chest, arms and neck. I try to combat it with anything that may work; oatmeal baths, lotions, Zyrtek, Benadryl, sleep meds, ice-water showers, food and drink. It makes my attempts at sleeping HELL. I've seen allergy doctor's along with a slew of other specialists over it, they prescribe me Prednazone which knocks it out for a couple of weeks, but it pops back up and raises fresh hell afterward. I've found out a bunch of things that I am allergic to, but there is no obvious culprit to my woes. I keep working on different theories and sometimes my efforts yield results, other times I have to ride out the agony. I really need to find the cause of this problem, because now I have other symptoms: Tingling in the legs, and a wave of "vibration" that just comes over me or painful "thrum" (It's very hard to explain).

Last night, nothing worked for very long. I didn't get much sleep at all. Last night's theory was, I'm coming off of a medication and these are the withdrawal symptoms. Which was the unfortunate result of nothing working, I ran my shower out of very cold water, I ate a whole bag of gummy worms, I took meds, I put on lotion, used oatmeal bath, all my typical methods failed. I sat down in my tv room and just let the itch, the thrum, and painful tingling wash over me. It was all I can do. Finally it subsided enough for me to sleep for a few hours, waking up again to shower in cold water. This is absolutely frustrating misery for me. 

So this morning has been hell and my day isn't going to end until 12 midnight...... ugh

Break!

Ooooh sweet winter break, how I have needed you so! I need the sweet relief from Graduate level papers that makes the Christmas Crunch easier to bear! I need the good times, the parties, the food the booze and presents that is the stuff I live for! I need this feeling of merriment at the beginning of winter, we all know the cold place it winds up. I have lots of things to do, and I have precious little break time to do it in. It sounds like I'm in a rush, but for once in the past couple of months, I'm not.

Have a nice day......

I've decided to try another approach to my mountain of shit. What mountain of shit you may ask? Oh! well let me tell you in the calmest way possible... I am referring to the mountain of dirty clothes, dirty dishes, receipts and important papers mixed in with junk mail. I'm talking about dirt that's maybe a few months old. I'm talking about cleaning products that have sat in the same place for so long that now they have piles of dog hair gathered near them. It sounds overwhelming but it could be way worse. It's clutter and disorganization piled on top of stuff that needs to be cleaned. but there's more, I'm in debt. I owe money to someone and I can't seem to knock that balance down. I've managed to keep all the other "wolves at bay" so to speak. But I'm not going to have the money to pay for this debt and the holidays. I also have homework for school due in two weeks maximum. I'm getting to the end of the semester and I have three monster papers I need  to work on. I have health problems: Depression, BAD allergic reactions to something I haven't quite nailed down yet. I'm trying to get a hold of my dr. so I can reschedule an appointment around switching health insurance companies. I have to winterize my house, The inside of my car is a wreck. I'm constantly late to work and when I get there, I'm so wiped out, either by my depression, the meds that fight my depression, or staying up late trying to get homework done before my deadlines. When I get to work, I feel like a joke because I'm aimless. there's so much to do there too, I'm wiped out and overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. I wind up stress eating, raging out, disappearing or doing "busy work."

I've told myself: This isn't working. I can't keep doing stuff like this anymore. I need help (I got help, help doesn't seem to help). I used to get so angy, scream and punch things until I realized that I was only hurting myself more. I'm trying to be compassionate and non-judgmental. Yea I'm buried under a mountain. Deep breaths....