Don't take it personally...even when it's personal

Fucking sanity......it's a commodity these days. People are predictably stupid and wait until the last minute for everything. People screw up and try to make it someone else's problem. Shit rolls down hill. If you schedule people for a living, you have to be very careful. You have to know when to set up who and what needs to be done. Everybody thinks that their problems are the most important. It doesn't matter what you want, unless you can make it matter to them. I've been sending people fliers offering a Pre-summer air conditioning start up special in an attempt to lighten the inevitable load of work that comes in June but, of course, everybody waits until the first hot day of the year and they absolutely cannot fathom why they are being pushed back 3-5 days for service. It's like: "You know why? SCHMUCK? Because everybody else is as stupid as YOU ARE!!!" Then, you have to deal with other professionals, which is never easy, because, yet again it's everyman/woman/child/donkey for them selves. It's like, we work with people because they give us jobs that help us make money, how much this relationship is worth depends on the BULLSHIT factor. For Instance, if someone we work with keeps setting up appointments to let us in to do work in one of their clients houses and then FLAKES OUT, we just wasted time, money and gas to go there and get skunked. If this happens enough times, these professionals get pushed to the end of the priority list and other people move up. It's like, people will try to get away with what ever they can. You have to see them coming, you have to know how to counter the punches that they throw, you have to know when you're right, and when you're wrong. When to coddle and kiss ass or when to tell someone to go pound salt. People suck because they are complicated, whiny and self-concerned/absorbed; they just have to learn that they aren't the center of the universe, and that instead "I" am the center of the universe. ME! And if you don't like it, you can go piss up a rope!! (LOL)

The many moods of mole-man

Many moods, many moods.......I'm an angry mole man, moshing in my hole, man. What?

No coffee, no OJ, no muffins this AM, folks. Just me and my good looks (if I have any, otherwise it's just me). It's Thursday (again) and, miraculously, it appears that I'm going to make it through another week. I've been painting the walls of my house every other night this week so I'm hacking up half a lung despite the venting measures I've taken. All this and I'm still not finished. I'm starting to become comfortable with the tarps everywhere (not a good sign) and the ladders and tools to and fro. My new neighbors must think we're nuts because they can get a clear look into the living room and it's been this way for WEEKS. SLOWLY, it's starting to look nice.

I don't know officer, We just FOUND him like this!

There I was, dead to the world, with visions of sugar-plums (or pornstars) dancing in my head. It wasn't even 6:30 AM yet and I was being watched, ney PHOTOGRAPHED!!! I look like a corpse! My face is white and while I sleep, my double chin becomes really pronounced. I have a five o'clock shadow going on and some red thing on my nose. Instead of just deleting the photo and saying "thank god nobody saw that" I decided to share, what I look like in the morning, TO THE WORLD!!!

I have various aches and pains lately, not merely from karate class, but from a short-lived career as a stuntman that I decided to embark on Monday. My friend/coworker drives a work truck, I saw him flying down the street like a mad-man (that's his M.O.). He saw me and sped up the truck. He aimed my way and I saw the twinkle in his eye that said "This guy is going to be turned in to a flesh frappacino if it's the last thing I do!"

So, to play along with this psychotic little sherade, I dove out of the way of the truck. This would've been fine, had I been able to get my feet back on the ground before the rest of me decided to come crashing down. EVEN THAT, would've been ok if I had hit the plush green grass a foot to the left or the right of the CEMENT walkway that I landed on elbow-first. My friend/coworker didn't know whether to call an ambulance or piss himself while giggling like a giddy Swedish schoolgirl: " he's funny Yah??" Meanwhile, I'm lying on the ground somewhere between laughter and sobs. There were people all over the place (because this happened on Main St.) looking at me like "Is he hurt?" and then later looking at me like " Oh no, he's just a jack ass."

So, yeah, my left elbow is all scraped up and so is my right palm. I broke my work phone in pieces from the fall and I have a big bruise on my left leg from where that happened. So, it was a pretty mild Monday in general.

It's hard to believe it's Thursday again. This week flew by, not because it was good, more because horrifically stressful. This doesn't make any sense. Meanwhile, back in the halls of justice (thank you D). I find myself in a basement with yet another shirt stained by the oil from a 6-in-1 hero that I had for lunch. The basement is cold and dusty. I hear the cars rumbling down my street and I fight the urge to sleep instead of actually working. My boss is "at home, drawing pictures of mountain tops, with him on top. Lemon yellow sun (Pearl Jam)", out sick, so I can relax a little more than usual. But still the phone rings, the flourescent lights suck (sucksucksuck) the life out of me, and with each passing day, I become less and less of a man. One day, I fear, I will grow wiskers and lose my eyesight. I'm affraid that I'll grow my fingernails super long and walk around on all fours. When I finally borough my way out into the sun, I'll discover that I am really a mole. How does a mole have self respect? I don't even think that moles can SPELL self-respect. Anyway, I'm going to claw my way out for the day. I'm done ranting in my dusty habitat.

Reaching.........

Do you ever reach for anything in your life?

Everybody needs things in their lives, a job, a place to live, companionship, self esteem. Maslow has created a triangle diagram that lists these things in order of importance. ("Benefits of a classical education"-Die Hard) You can obtain solutions to your problems in a lot of different ways. Sometimes you can do it on your own, point and shoot: If you need something, you figure out how to get it. You try and succeed. Sometimes you need help: Either you're not sure of what you need and someone has to show you the way or you don't know how to go about getting what you need. Other times, you may need something in your life that takes a lot of effort to obtain. This situation sucks because: you're on your own. No one can help you. No one's going to show you the way, it's completely up to you.

Now, the last one I listed adds a whole new perspective to things we need. Let's say, you have a job. This job is supporting you. This isn't what you want to do and you feel like you're wasting your time there; but, you don't see any better alternatives. So, your need is fulfilled, but not quite as much as you need it to be. You try to think: "Hey, I should be happy I even have a job in today's wicked economy. " That will keep you going for a while, but eventually, you'll feel that sting again. Now, getting a job is hard enough. Getting a job YOU LIKE can be extremely difficult. To do that, you're going to have to work, you're going to have to try harder. You're going to have to reach. A lot of people take what they're given in life. They take it, some of them are happy with it, others learn to be happy with it, others settle for it because it takes "too much work" to get what they really want.

Then there are others who REACH for what they really want. Reaching is a bitch. Picture yourself on a platform out in the middle of nowhere. You really want to get off this plat form because you have "Shit to do and an appointment on Tuesday" (Ani Difranco), but it's a long way UP to the platform on the edge of the nearest mountain. You look and there are several other platforms you have to get to in order to make it there. There are chains hanging off of these platforms. They are just far enough out of reach for you to grab a hold of. You stand on the edge of the platform, on your tippy-toes and try to grab that chain (that's reaching). But if you do that, you might lose your balance and fall into the f*cking abyss below (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! It's
a long way down, you'll run out of breath before you hit the bottom).

So, if you try to reach and it doesn't work out, you might have to LEAP towards the chain dangling out in space and HOPE that you can grab it. HOPE that it doesn't slip through your hands before you can squeeze it with all of your might. HOPE that you have the strength to climb to the next platform. Or you can make yourself at home and HOPE a stray bird, or a bat flies by, because THEN you'll have a snack ("Not going anywhere for a while??").

Reaching is scary. True we're not all standing on platforms out in space, but it sucks not getting what you need to be happy and knowing that it's out there, and knowing that it's up to you and you alone to get it. No one is going to hand it to you. It sucks knowing that, to get it, you're going to have to reach for it, maybe even LEAP for it. It sucks even more to know that, even if you reach and leap, you STILL might not get it. So what do you do? Settle for the platform you're standing on? or reach for what you want and die trying?

There's a loop-hole though. Is this really about NEED? I mean, if you're not getting what you NEED to be happy, is that a WANT? or a NEED? I'm guessing that NEEDS are things you can't live with out. Are WANTS, things that you won't be happy without? If so, is there an assumption that comes with life that reads as follows: You don't NEED to be happy in life. Happiness is not a NEED, it is a WANT therefore you won't exactly GET IT? OR is it your DECISION to turn this WANT into a NEED?

I say convince yourself to reach, even if you fall, you might land on a lower platform. With broken legs, added wisdom, and a good SOLID NEED for MEDICAL ATTENTION you would at least know that you tried. Wow, that' s about as up lifting as a turd-shower. Anyway, back to work, GOD I need to get out of this job!

Or perhaps, to end things on a positive note, I should go back to the original, simple explanation?: Is it YOUR DECISION to turn a WANT into a NEED. You can do it on your own, point and shoot: STEP ONE: If you need something, you figure out how to get it. STEP TWO: You try and STEP THREE: succeed.***







*** (If, at first, this doesn't work. Go back to the beginning of the paragraph and repeat steps 1-3.)

I am but a shadow of my former shadow.......

Anger is not at all refreshing. If I had to take the Pepsi challange, I think I would know anger above all other emotions. People think it's good to get angry, I'm in a situation where people get me angry all the time. I have to have the patience of a Hindu cow, but instead my utters calcify and crack off, and farmer Dan will shoot me if I scream, bleat, or even Moo.

I liken my job to being a doctor (Even though the emergencies I deal with damage houses not people), everything is an emergency so people are emotional. Any little delay and there's a butt-load of hell to pay. Then, imagine trying to use a life support machine and having it shut off due to a loose wire. Imagine you have to save a life by injecting someone with medication, but you ran out of needles, or someone bought the CHEAP needles again and they don't puncture the skin well at all. Meanwhile, your dying "customer" is pissy because he/she is being stabbed with a CHEAP DULL needle. In the end, we both deal with losses the same way: If a customer doesn't want to use my service I say, " Well, I can't keep them all happy" Same with a doctor, "You can't save them all."

"F**k UM!" I say with marinarra stains in the corners of my mouth. My boss is a slobbering infant. All of my bosses are snot-nosed slobbering infants in some way. As a Psuedo-(Psu-psu-pusdeo! (not a word Su-su-sudio)-Administrative assistant I have to hold the tissue up to their noses and make sure they BLOW! GOD I'm a jaded bastard. Today, my boss called me from home (he stayed home from work- sick) and asked me to buy him lunch. He offered to buy, but I don't have a car today, it's getting fixed. I told him this and he said " Well, Whatever you can do..." SO I spend the next hour trying to track down a truck, car, a plane, a Vespa, SOMETHING! I finally get MY CAR back from the shop, and I have another worker drive me to the auto-shop. I call my boss back and say " Do you still need lunch?" he says " It's too late NOW!! IT'S WAY TOO LATE to eat lunch NOW!!!" It would be one thing if he were only my boss, but he's also my dad. I was trying to get him lunch, and it wasn't like he turned around and got something else, he didn't eat, and he made it clear that it was because I couldn't get a car in time. He just wanted to complain about something. I provided a reason. I was totally unaware that it was possible for me to be spawned by a two year old, Science is an amazing thing. Somedays I feel like I should bring a f#%king pacifier into work and jam it in his mouth at the first sign of complaint. "WAAAAAHHHHH" "AH SHUT THE F#*K UP YOU LITTLE SH*T!!"

Sometimes I want to turn my car into on coming traffic. Other times, I feel like I should just sell all my sh*t, hop on a plane and move to the tropics. I don't do either, because neither one would solve anything. It's just another escape, not a solution, an escape. I've been around some very self-centered people in my life and now it's my turn.

Tormenters

I can't stand people who like to torment others. Everyone in my family is a tormenter sometimes. Tormenting is a game, if you're the tormenter, you've won when a person gets upset and doesn't retaliate. If you're the tormented, you've won when you turn around and make the person who tormented you as mad as you are (IE: retaliation). Back and forth people go, action/reaction/ action reaction. If you have siblings you've known what this is like for your whole life. If you've gone to public school, you've known what this is like since you were a little kid. Well, this kind of shit doesn't end when you become an adult. It only changes. Random assholes will torment you if you work in customer service. Your family will find more socially acceptable methods of torment. But nothing beats a good, old fashioned like little brat spat. Little kids bother eachother until someone starts hitting the other and eventually it all ends in tears and hollering. The cycle doesn't end until someone outside the situation (usually) says " You two are being stupid! STOP IT!" Unfortunately, I think that's the only way to stop that kind of thing, with two willing participants. Otherwise, you're relying on one of the two to be the bigger person and say "I'm done with this crap."