Fuck it all a fucka' fucking BRAT!!!

I'm having another "down the drain" day. On a day like this, I take a look at all of my flaws and I feel like a hot mess top to bottom. For instance: I can't take care of myself. I can't. It takes me so much effort and it's endless. There's always that spot that I missed and everyone seems to just notice it like a shit stain on a pair of crisp clean undies. I don't give a fuck if I'm coming off vulgar, no one reads this anyway. I can't get in good shape. I have a gut, I weigh over 300 pounds. I'm a tall guy, but that doesn't matter when you're trying on pants and they don't fit around your huge fat gut. I don't like the way I look. I've tried dieting and working out, I just can't get to where I want to be. I can't even get close. Financially I'm screwed. i make piss and I eat all of my money. I don't have anything saved. I have a Bachelor's that I went through hell for. I suck at job hunting and I've been whining like a little bitch about my current job for so long that I've said all that I can say. Grooming isn't an huge issue, but when you don't like the way you look, it's really hard to stay up on that shit. I've been battling depression for a long time. I cut my hair when it gets long enough that I have to style it, I shave my face when it looks like dirt, I cut my nails when they become uncomfortable. I need to brush my teeth more. (one saving grace: I love showers. I stay clean because I can get in a shower and just live there for 20 minutes). I don't wash or maintain my car well enough at all. I don't let things pile up in it, but I should wash it every month; inside and out. Currently, I can write my name in it. My house is the same way. I go through fits of cleaning and organizing, but I never reach that golden spot where "I'm comfortable with my clean and organized home." Now I know what you're thinking: "Why? Why can't you just take care of yourself?" and instead of getting mad at this judgment that people (including myself) eventually make about me, I think: "Do I really know? I mean, I'm depressed.According to my wife and my shrink, I've been depressed, I am depressed and I will be depressed until further notice. But is that really fair? I work a 40 hour work week. I'm going to school to get my Masters in Counseling. But I feel like I'm behind on everything. Like, everything! I can't keep all of the balls rolling. I can't live up to my own standards. I can't measure up to people and I resent them because it seems like they can do it "effortlessly" and I'm always behind the 8 ball. For all the work I'm doing, I feel like I should have more. This may sound entitled, but I Don't give a shit anymore. There are a lot of rich people out there how are fraudulent pieces of garbage and they have what I want. I want to get more, with less effort. That's efficiency. I work, I work hard. I almost feel like I need to "cheat" to get the things that I want. Anyway, I've vented enough for today...